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Happy Trans Tuesday everyone. Yeah, we were going to serve tacos, but then they turned into hot dogs. Have you seen the latest news? Target is going balls out for keeping your balls in. The retail giant is now selling women’s bathing suits that are “tuck-friendly” for ladies with penises. I know, who knew this was in such high demand? I always thought shrinkage would solve this problem. But I guess I didn’t realize all these years how many women were suffering in silence:
Wow. So, pictures and videos of these junk-tuckers have gone viral, spreading like monkeypox at a Pride parade.
Yes, and he will be punished for that.
Oh damn that gay guy! He tricks me every time. While the Target swimsuits promote their tuck-friendly construction and extra crotch coverage — Things I always look for in a thong. Although, why would you want to hide the fact that you got a package at the beach? Unless you want to trick someone. Sorry, I’m never going to be comfortable if a girl is staring at me and getting noticeably aroused in her swim trunks. That goes for the beach and women’s bathrooms. That was funny when it was written. Several people online have said Target’s marketing to kids but a spokesperson claims they are only offered in adult sizes, which sucks because my nephew’s in third grade and he’s a C cup.
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In response to the backlash, Target’s own CEO said these moves are “good business decisions, and it’s the right thing to do for society.” But really, good for business, Mr. CEO? Then why were some Southern stores reportedly asked by Target to move the merch away from the front of their stores? One Target insider telling Fox News Digital they’ve been having emergency calls with management to tamp down the displays. So here’s the deal.
No one is saying trans people don’t exist or don’t deserve rights or bikinis. We’re just saying maybe corporations might stop using baby clothes to push some delusional cultural trends or to indulge in political exhibitionism just to put yourself high on an activist scorecard because that’s what it is. I mean, have you noticed all these things keep happening one after the other as if it’s coordinated? The Canadian trans teacher with dartboard-sized nipples.
Remember that? Trans swimmers and runners beating their biological female competition like rented mules. Dylan Mulvaney and his 365 days of being a girl, culminating in a Bud Light ad campaign that made the Hindenburg look like a gender reveal party. That Adidas Pride campaign featuring a male model in a one-piece bathing suit meant for women. I was so offended, I personally reached out to the model and told them so over dinner in Aspen. He appreciated the flowers.
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Of course, there are kids, cartoons and books featuring perky, nonbinary male characters in dresses. Talk about Looney Tunes. Drag queens popping out from behind school library aisles like little gay jack-in-the-boxes. It’s as if drag queens are the only adults who can still read. Meanwhile, sororities are feeling the bulge as Kappa Alpha goes Alpha male– you got a 6’2, 260-pound trans sorority sister apparently trying to fool her sisters into thinking she’s not really a man. Sorry, that’s a man. And it’s going to take a lot of beer goggles for him to hook up at the next formal. Luckily, Bud Light is really cheap right now. But all of these are trans-related. It’s a culture war blitzkrieg. And it raises the world’s most important question:
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It doesn’t, really. I don’t wear bikinis, unless Kudlow demands it. But I’m a social commentator with a lot of time on my hands, which is good for you, but bad for Target. The fact is, I’ve never shopped at Target. It always struck me as a Kmart for extras from Glee. But when this happens, I keep asking myself, Have we reached peak trance yet? They’ve got swimsuits, the cover of the swimsuit issue. They’ve got pop singers and track stars and swimmers and now even mass shooters. So they are now as American as you can get, which means, like the rest of us, they got a target on their back. It’s called humour. They should embrace it.